Blog Tour Review
Out of Focus
(Under the Influence Spin-off)
by
L.B. Simmons
by
L.B. Simmons
 |
Genre: Upper New
Adult
Release Date: February 19, 2016 |
~ Synopsis ~
“Shhhh,
Cassandra, it’s our little secret.”
Secrets
are stubborn things when they refuse to remain hidden. They tear through your
soul, clawing and lashing until the pain becomes so unbearable, you’re left no
choice but to silently scream your agony. No one hears you, of course. You
smile on the outside and drift through life as though your mind is at peace,
but all the while, you remain your own tortured prisoner. Sealed inside the
darkened, soundproof room of your conscience, deafening cries echo as you plead
for someone to unlock the door and release you from your nightmares. And
eventually, when no one comes, you find ways to cope. To dull the suffering the
only way you know how.
But what
happens when you’ve become so numb, when everything around you has become so
blurred, that you begin to lose focus on the saving grace standing directly in
front of you? When you’ve anesthetized yourself to the point of losing
consciousness, forced to watch as his once solid image fades away, lost to your
reach in the haze as it smothers you?
What do
you do then?
You
fight. You heal. Then you bring him back.
Well, my
name is Cassie Cooper, and it’s time.
No more
secrets.
This is
my story.
*** WARNING - The subject matter of this novel centers
around the psychological effects due to sexual abuse experienced during
childhood. For this reason, as well as sexual situations, language, and adult
themes, suggested reading age is 17+.***
~ Add to Goodreads ~
~Excerpt ~
Only twenty-three years old, and I’m so
goddamn tired.
I used to be so much stronger. I
somehow kept the voices at bay, the memories locked away safely, contained
within the confines of my mind. But with each passing day, I feel the glow of
my once-luminous strength fading. Darkness encases me now, bowing the walls of
protection I put into place years ago. My past is an ever-present nightmare,
repeatedly tapping, slowly fracturing the window of my sanity.
I have no doubt that it’s only a matter
of time before the glass finally breaks. Blackness will eventually seep through
its cracks and deliver me from the safety of my façade into a reality that will
destroy me.
My reality.
I’ve done my part. I’ve kept the
secrets thrust upon me with dedicated believability. My portrayal of who I am
has become a blurred, hazy version of the once very distinct Cassie Cooper.
I read an ungodly amount of trashy
romance novels.
I’m the overtly sexual and foul-mouthed
friend who will say anything to get a laugh.
And I have exactly zero fucks to give
to what anyone else thinks about my actions.
But the reality, the actuality, is
this:
I read obsessively to escape my own
world. To live the dreams of others when, for so long, the reoccurrence of my
nightmares has been my reality. I read to fall in love and find a happily ever
after, even if it is purely imagined. With each story I read, I’m able to live
and love vicariously through the characters in my books. It’s the only
plausible way for me to survive.
I threw away my virginity at the age of
thirteen just to prove something. And when I found that proof, that vindication
I was looking for, I sought it every chance I could. Sex is about control for
me. Nothing more. The act will never be about making love, like it is for the
heroines in my books. I will never be granted the beauty of that gift.
I use humor as a form of avoidance. I
draw upon laughter to block the pain. And I smile to mask the agony of the
eight-year-old soul who weeps within me.
And the fucks . . . well, that’s not
entirely accurate either.
I have given two to be exact: One to my
best friend of seventeen years. She knows nothing of my past, and although she
so willingly disclosed the horrors of hers, mine remains hidden for no other
reason than to avoid the pity she would undoubtedly cast my way if I were to
ever tell her. I don’t want her pity. I would sooner die than have her look at
me in any other way than with pride.
The other died with the person to whom
it was given. Anthony “Rat” Marchione. He was my one allowance of naïveté. The
one person I actually wanted to touch me, to hold me, to love me. He was going
to rescue me from my brokenness as though I were a character in one of my
books. Young and senseless, I thought he was to be my eventual happily ever
after, but tragically, he was murdered five years ago.
Black coldness waits in vain to leech
the void where his once beautiful existence filled the pieces of my irrevocably
shattered heart. Where he temporarily healed the hurt of the innocent child and
quieted the voices that tormented her.
He’s gone now. I’ve accepted that. And
in turn, I have relinquished all dreams associated with finding the light at the
end of this miserable tunnel.
I will keep trudging through this life
. . . this sentence handed to me for someone else’s crime, my payment shackled
by secrets and weighted with lies. I will continue to do so with the same
fraudulent smile on my lips and play the part of the strong heroine so
convincingly, that even I believe it.
It’s only a matter of time before my
fictional strength wears out—when I’m no longer hidden safely inside my
protective blur—and I have to face the very real and lucid image of my past.
But until that time comes, I’ll do all
I can do.
All I have ever done.
I will pretend.
~ Links to Buy ~
A new book from L.B. Simmons is like opening a present. It always stirs up emotion and will have me consumed within opening it. Out of Focus is Cassie's story. We are introduced to her in Under the Influence {another amazing read} but here we find out what makes Cassie tick.
This story will pull at your heartstrings and may induce tears running down your face. I was eager to see what made Cassie find it near impossible to trust anyone. What she hid from others for most of her life was a weigh on her shoulders that no one should have to bear. Little did she know that to be free she had to allow herself crash land before she could pick herself up again.
Ahhhh....meet Grady. Who knew teaching a Krav Magra class would set his world on fire. One encounter with Cassie had him coming back for more. He saw her and although it was not obvious to anyone else he knew what Cassie was trying to hide from the world.
Grady and Cassie were so enjoyable. The small steps that they took to spend time together allowed Cassie to shed some of her self hatred and enjoy life. Watching the transformation from self loathing to self love was an emotional one. It was a tough road for Grady and Cassie to find their way.
We of course get to catch up with Dalton and Spencer, two of my favorite characters from Under the Influence. It would be hard not to as Spencer and Cassie share a history. We also get an added treat which honestly took me a minute to catch. ~ sigh
What I enjoy most about L.B. Simmons books is that they are real. She draws her story from life. There are most definitely people who suffer like Cassie had. I will most definitely be awaiting news of her next project. Go grab your copy of Out of Focus and see what everyone is raving about.
~ About the Author ~
L.B. Simmons is a graduate of Texas A&M University and holds a degree in Biomedical Science. She has been a practicing Chemist for the last 11 years. She lives with her husband and three daughters in Texas and writes every chance she gets.
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~ Connect with L.B. Simmons ~
Website ** Goodreads ** Amazon Author Page
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